If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
