He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
