she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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