why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
