There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
