Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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