Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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