Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
