At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
