yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
