he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
