i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
