We won't sleep together?
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
