my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
