I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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