I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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