my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
