Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
