I hate your face
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize