I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
