nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
