Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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