This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize