I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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