whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
