Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
that is very illegal...i love you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize