I'm eating all of the evidence.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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