Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
