Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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