You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
