I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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