she woke up with a sticky ear
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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