Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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