So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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