My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
