I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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