No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
