Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
