Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
