Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
