Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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