just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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