I bet he comes in French.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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