Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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