I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
