Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
