I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
