If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
