It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
