Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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