I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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