the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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