i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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