Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize