So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
