He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
