You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
