i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
