Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
