I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
