overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
