If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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