I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize