Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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