just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
