My room smells like vodka and shame
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
