Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize